


The Gracious Fall

by cats_are_mylife



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-25 19:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15647646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cats_are_mylife/pseuds/cats_are_mylife
Summary: Inej Ghafa left the hell-pit called Ketterdam almost a year ago. Now, she works with Kaz Brekker to bust the slave masters, but when he starts not to answer her letters back or send any letters, Inej decides to go back to Ketterdam to find a dead Kaz Brekker. Is he really dead though?(My first ao3 fic, hopefully you'll like it! I'm also not a native English speaker, so if you find any mistakes, please forgive me!)





	1. INEJ

The salty smell of the sea was the only scent Inej had smelled for a long while as she had been sailing for more than a year now. She wasn’t complaining though, she was used to this by then. It was also a better smell than the rot in Ketterdam and misery in Ravka, so she sailed as long as she could. She didn’t miss Ketterdam with its broken people and crooked justice. She never missed the days in Menagerie, or the days she killed innocent people. To be honest, she felt as if she was freed from chains when she left Ketterdam for good and when the Wraith slowly arched the endless sea. It was better than she hoped. Both saving many slaves from a doomed life and leaving Ketterdam. It was in a way to rid herself from the monsters she’d left behind and to become who she really felt like. She was more than the shadow of the bastard of Barrel, she was more than his Wraith. A year ago, her name meant nothing more than an assassin’s name in Kerch, but now, all the slave masters knew about her in Kerch, Ravka, Fjerda and Shu Han. _They were afraid of me_ , Inej acknowledged happily. This made Inej more proud than making somebody bleed to death in an alley somewhere in Ketterdam.

Still, she owed some of her successful operations to the information Kaz had given her. He would occasionally send her coded letters about the slave masters but he would rarely get personal in these letters. Inej only knew that everything was going as smoothly as Kaz had expected as a Barrel boss, and nothing else. Nothing about the moment they held hands bare hand, nothing about his feelings for her. Of course, if there were any feelings by that time. It had been a long time since she’d seen Kaz and she didn’t really know what was going on with him. Inej knew enough that he wouldn’t fall for someone so quickly, except for the power he’d gained in a year. Or the money. _Kaz is probably in a love triangle_ , Inej thought to herself wanting to be entertained but her mind wandered somewhere else.

  
Inej hadn’t had any letters from Kaz for a long time. At first, she had presumed that Kaz was busy now that he was officially the boss of the Dregs, but she reminded herself even when Per Haskell was in charge, Kaz was handling everything about the gang anyway. When the letters she’d sent were also not responded that was when she started to get worried. This was why she’d decided to go back to Ketterdam for a while, just to check if everyone was okay. Inej had missed Wylan and Jesper anyway and it would be really nice to pay them a visit for a round of laughter. She’d already sent them a letter telling them she was coming to Ketterdam and if she was welcome to stay with them. They replied just after, asking her what took so long. Inej hoped that they would be waiting for her when the Wraith docked Ketterdam.

  
Inej could finally see the city of canals. The city seemed darker this time, Inej realized, as if it was painted all black by a toddler whose imagination was very little. Unintentionally, Inej thought the Barrel bosses and the merchants being this toddler because they were the ones to shape the city. Even Kaz, she admitted herself. Although Inej liked to think about Kaz as just a street rat who was trying to fight for himself, deep inside Kaz was the number one worshipper of greed. Maybe he was not as bad as other Barrel bosses, but he was still a merciless boss who used innocent people as a ladder to power. Inej turned her gaze towards her ship.

  
Her men were preparing the ship for docking. She watched them for a while, wind playing with her braided hair. Then, she  turned her face towards the city and the port again. For a while, she searched for someone she knew and then she could finally see Wylan and Jesper standing there. She understood something was wrong because both of them were obviously distressed.  
Kaz was of course nowhere to be seen. Inej had seen this coming but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling disappointed. She was no longer an investment for Kaz, so he didn’t have to be there, waiting for her arrival. Inej tried to smile at Jesper and Wylan and saw that their effort of pulling a smile was as bad as hers. She stopped trying.

  
When the ship docked and the men was already leaving the ship, Inej rushed towards the Zemeni boy and the merchling in worry and apprehension. She needed to learn what was bothering them immediately. Even when she was a few steps away from them, their tension didn’t go as Inej had hoped. Inej quickly walked those last steps and waited for them to talk. Wylan smiled at her apologetically as a greeting. Inej waited.

  
Finally, Jesper talked. “Hello Inej.” he said in a dismay Inej hadn’t seen in him for a long time. Then, he turned his gaze to the ground as Wylan took a deep breath. Inej thought he was about to talk, and she jumped in surprise when Jesper’s arms surrounded her in a tight hug. “We should’ve sought you sooner.” The Zemeni boy whispered between sobs. Inej found herself hugging Jesper back and looking at Wylan expectedly. The boy apparently couldn’t find the right words to form a sentence. Now, Inej’s eyes were gleaming with panic.

  
“It’s Kaz.” Wylan finally said before stopping again. Inej thought of the worst cases unintentionally and her heart ached as a result. The lives they chose was extremely dangerous but Inej wasn’t ready to accept the worst scenario, so Inej asked expectantly “What about him?” She hoped her voice was as firm as she wanted it to be, but it was shaking in the last word. Jesper pulled himself away, drying the tears on his face with his sleeve.

  
“There are new people in the game.” Wylan started to explain, face full of sorrow. “They tell people working for barrel bosses, merchants, and of course pleasure houses… Well, these new gamers tell almost everybody in the city that all will be freed from the big guys when the oppressed join their cause.” Inej hadn’t heard of this revolutionaries, so she thought they were fairly new. They were probably rising in Ketterdam around the time Kaz had stopped writing to her.

  
“There was an uprising in Dregs.” Wylan continued on. Jesper was still crying and Inej hugged him again but she didn’t know who needed this hug more. She needed to hold onto something when the news hit her.

  
“They killed Kaz.” Jesper finished off the story. Even though Inej had felt this coming, she still couldn’t grasp this idea. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands was dead. It seemed impossible as Inej thought of everything that was Kaz Brekker. _He escaped_ , Inej thought to herself. _Kaz always finds a way to escape. He is probably plotting his revenge right now._

  
Inej now stared at the ground, but what she saw wasn’t the little rocks or the old dirty road. She saw Kaz, sitting in his office, dealing with some paperwork or counting a huge amount of kruge with a wide grin on his face. She saw Kaz after the Ice Court, battered but still as erect and proud as ever. She saw Kaz, watching the Wraith leave the docks with bare hands, leaning on his cane. After all the progress he’d made and all the power he’d gained, it seemed extremely unjust and unbelievable for him to die during a gang uprising. Even though Inej heard Jesper’s sobs, she didn’t believe them. _He escaped_ , she reminded herself believing in herself less in every second.

  
“Maybe we should head home.” Wylan offered after giving Inej some time to grasp this news. Jesper pulled himself away the second time to hold Inej’s both hands. “I am so sorry. We should’ve been more alert about the uprising.” he whispered to Inej. She couldn’t say anything, so she just nodded without looking at Jesper. She didn’t blame them, she didn’t even blame the traitors who killed Kaz. During the days in the sea, she’d had more than enough time to think about Kaz, the Dregs and Ketterdam and for a moment, she found the traitors _right_. Still, she would mourn Kaz’s death and maybe this burden would make her heart heavier for long years.

  
Inej felt eyes on herself. Everybody around her probably knew about Kaz’s death and who Inej was, so they were curious to see Inej’s reaction. Inej felt uncomfortable, standing there like this and started to walk behind Wylan and Jesper. She had to stay strong for Kaz because he wouldn’t want her to cry after his death. _Avenge me_ , he would say. Inej didn’t know if this was the right thing to do. After all the fights with slave traders, after seeing them as if they were lifted from the ground when they were saved, Inej understood why people stood against the Barrel bosses. She couldn't avenge Kaz when she thought his enemies were right.

  
The three walked towards the Van Eck mansion in silence. It was a long journey, but Wylan thought it was better for Inej to be outside, walking for a while more rather than staying inside. He could see her breathing faster and shallower, at the merge of crying. Wylan knew she wouldn’t cry, at least in the streets. Jesper didn’t stop crying though. Wylan silently took a few steps and held his hand, squeezing. Jesper gave him a tired smile.

  
Jesper’s crying was now just a few sobs from time to time. Inej was still as silent as she was because she was still trying to murder all the hopeful thoughts blooming in her mind. _Kaz is dead_ , she reminded herself over and over again. She followed Wylan and Jesper without looking around because if she looked around, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from thinking about the memories she had with Kaz. Vicious or peaceful, it didn’t matter now. Inej would just see them and would want to warn the Kaz in her memories about his upcoming death.

  
They finally reached the mansion and Wylan opened the creaking door. Inej heard the disturbing sound of the keys and somehow, she felt like this sound was knocking on her ears as if they were the doors to the mansion. Wylan kindly pushed her inside right after the door was opened. They walked towards the kitchen in absolute silence. 

  
“Well, this is enough.” Jesper said, drying his face with a napkin. Inej watched him in confusion because he seemed normal and gleeful again. Wylan rolled his eyes before talking. “Nobody asked you to be so emotional and intense. It just needed to be believable.”

  
Inej frowned, putting her hands on the table. “Hey, what the hell is going on?” she asked without giving a pause. Jesper shrugged in his usual playful way. “Ask the scheming master, this was his idea.”  
Inej stood up, slightly frustrated now. She opened her mouth to talk, to force Jesper to tell what was going on, but when she heard the familiar voice of thud coming from a cane, she stood still. It was coming from the stairs to her left. Inej slowly turned towards this sound.

  
Soon enough, Kaz emerged leaning heavily to his crow cane. His free hand was pressing somewhere on his belly and his breaths were shaky and shallow. “Hello, Wraith.” was what Kaz could only say before collapsing to the ground. Inej only watched him fall, both shocked and frightened.


	2. INEJ

Wylan was the one to break the silence. “Well, he was always one for dramatic entrances but this was the best in his life I suppose.”

As Jesper helped Kaz to his feet, Inej realized he was still awake. _This is Kaz Brekker_ , she had to remind herself. _Dirtyhands who claims to be the bastard of Barrel_. She needed this reminder because with the broken looks and battered body Kaz only looked… human. Not the devil he told everybody of.

Jesper helped Kaz to sit on the chair right opposite to Inej’s as she also took her place. She didn’t know if she was supposed to be angry or worried. If she had to be honest, Kaz looked terrible. All color was drained from his face and he looked as white as the moon. He still wore his own shirt on which there was a huge blood stain. His upper lip had also bled before and she could see the marks of fingers around his neck. Inej pushed her worries aside and found herself asking him “Why?” in confusion.

Kaz’s tired eyes found her. Before speaking he took a deep breath that apparently hurt his wound because even though he’d tried to hide his wince, Inej’d seen it. “Why what?”

“You know very well what I’m asking you.” Inej replied, staring at him. Kaz stared back at her, and it was almost a contest between them. Kaz was stubborn as always, but Inej wasn’t going to give in to his stubbornness as easily as she did before.

“Because it’s easier to operate when they think I am dead.” was Kaz’s response to her question. This wasn’t what Inej meant, she wanted to learn why he hadn’t let her know about this newcomers, why he hadn’t asked her help before everything went down this horribly. Before he planned to play dead. “Why didn’t you tell me about this in your letters?” she finally asked, ditching the over-thinking.

“Would you help me Inej? Would I be able to trust you in this?” Kaz stopped for a dramatic pause, and Inej’s heart raged. Her anger was probably obvious from her face because she saw Jesper and Wylan anticipating the explosion. _This is Kaz_ , she reminded herself before doing anything stupid and impulsive. Kaz continued on. “Knowing that their aim was to free the people of Ketterdam? I am talking about the people similar to the ones you save.” Kaz sounded bitter. Inej wanted to say _yes_ , just this once to show him he was wrong about her, but she couldn’t say it. Instead, Kaz talked. “I needed to be sure they were frauds before reaching out to you, but I found out too late. The uprising happened short after I found out about their real intentions.” Inej didn’t know if she was supposed to be relaxed –because that meant she didn’t have to stand against Kaz- or be sorrowful. She loved the idea of the people of Ketterdam free, no more pleasure houses, no more gangs, or no more merciless deaths. Still, she never wanted to fight against Kaz. _We fight for each other_ , Kaz had said once. However, they were different now and Inej realized, their ideals had become complete opposite in just a year.

Jesper and Wylan watched them in silence. “I found out who they are and had to follow them for this because they wear masks all the time they are out to give speeches or for some operation. I located their base with Jesper and Anika.” Although Kaz was speaking with his usual firm voice, Inej realized something went wrong during this exploration. “That… might’ve made them angry.” Jesper was the one to speak the last sentence.

Kaz inhaled and then exhaled deeply. “Jesper thinks the uprising is caused by our little trip to their base, but I knew this was coming for a long time."

“That’s why you _managed_ to escape before they could reach you, shoot you and attempt to strangle you.” Jesper seemed as frustrated as Inej was now. “Accept it Kaz. You made a huge mistake this time.” Inej folded her arms and leaned back to see Kaz doing just that, but he just stared at Jesper. She rolled her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter now if that was a mistake or not!” Wylan protested after waiting for a while. “We need to make a plan, a proper plan Jesper not just handling Kaz to them, to take them down.” Wylan spoke with a worn out manner and Inej realized he was done dealing with Kaz’s and Jesper’s bullshit. “He’s right.” Inej backed him up quickly. Wylan looked at her thankfully.

“We need to locate their new base.” Kaz was still calm thinking that all the power he’d gained over a year and the Dregs were taken away from him. “We have a few spies among their men, but as far as today, there came nothing from them. Anika and Pim joined their cause long before the uprising, but all they’ve learned is these two _leaders_ take orders from somebody else. I could only blow the duo’s identities. It would be good if we could find the real boss.” He winced again, changing his seating position. His breaths became shakier in each second. “Inej you'll find Anika and see if she was able to learn something. She would be waiting for you tonight because this is usually the day we used to meet up and I told him somebody would come even if I was out of the game for a while.” He groaned in pain.

Inej had a guess about this question, but she asked anyway. “When did the uprising happen exactly?” she asked Jesper, in her bossy captain tone. She was used to giving orders to her men by then. Jesper seemed kind of puzzled because of her tone. “Well… It was yesterday.”

Inej thought so.

“I think I am bleeding again.” Kaz said in a muffled voice. He attempted to stand up and failed miserably, collapsing back to his chair. Inej stood up and quickly reached him, unbuttoned his shirt and asked Jesper and Wylan to bring her bandages and some tonic. It was Wylan who rushed out of the room to bring the first aid kit. Soon enough, he came with the necessary equipment.

Inej and Jesper carried Kaz to the nearest couch and gently put him on it. He was burning up just like a torch and was right about him bleeding out again. Inej settled him in a comfortable position and Jesper watched her take care of Kaz two steps behind her. She unwrapped the bloody bandages to see a terribly stitched gunshot wound. It screamed, _I am the work of a panicked Jesper!_

“You got the bullet I hope?” Inej asked. “Well, I think I did...” Jesper answered, but he seemed not sure of himself. He tried to shrug in his casual manner but Inej knew better and it was obvious that Jesper was panicked. The bullet was probably in Kaz's body still and he was about to lose his consciousness. Inej called upon him. “Stay with me Kaz.” During her time of standing against slave masters and freeing slaves, her crew had gone through many gun fights, so Inej was now used to dealing with bullet wounds. There was a medik among her crew, but sometimes she had taken care of the men who had been shot as well. She wanted to learn in case of anything, and she was grateful for that.

She worked calmly and efficiently. She also tried her best not to touch Kaz’s naked body as much as she could. She cleansed the wound gently, without pressing on it too much but she could still hear Kaz hiss from time to time. She undid the stitches and with tweezers, she took the bullet out, thinking to herself _bravo Jesper_. Kaz’s body was tense with pain, but he didn’t do anything more than hissing. After the bullet was out, Inej stitched the wound again, and poured some tonic on it carefully. Jesper and Wylan watched her without talking. Inej knew they were awed because of her fingers that didn’t tremble or her breaths that didn’t falter because of worry. What awed them was the change in Inej, she understood. She really was more than a shadow now.

When Inej finished taking care of Kaz, she took the old bandages and the shirt, then turned to face Wylan and Jesper. Jesper was the one to break the silence. “I thought you couldn’t get more badass when you left Inej.” he said. She smiled. “I am learning stuff.”

They got rid of the bloody clothes and bandages by burning them in the fireplace piece by piece. As they watched the pieces of cloth burn, Wylan spoke to Inej “I’ll have one of the guest rooms ready for you. You must be exhausted.” She nodded, Wylan was right about her, it had been a long day. Physically, she felt good enough, but it was her mind that was tired. It was coming back to Ketterdam, _to Kaz_ after a long year. Inej was different and Kaz was right about that. On the other hand, Kaz was still the same stubborn bastard whose thirst for power hadn’t ended. Inej knew deep inside, she still had feelings for him, but she didn’t know what to do with them. Maybe these feelings were not as passionate as they were before she left, but seeing him wounded and so weak still made Inej’s eyes gleam with worry.

Jesper stood up to leave Inej and Kaz alone. Before going, he whispered. “Goodnight Inej.” Inej felt like he had something else to say, but the Zemeni boy left without speaking any further.

She watched Kaz taking shallow breaths. For a moment, she wished they were still in the last year, before Inej had left. She wouldn’t have these contradicting thoughts about Kaz back then. _I’m angry at him, this is why_ , Inej thought. She chose not to think further.

After a while, after the sun's set, Kaz started to shift on the couch, then opened his eyes. Inej turned her gaze towards the fireplace, trying not to stare at the boy. She knew her anger was childish, but she had thought… Well, she had thought Kaz had trusted her. _A year away from him made me see delusions I suppose_ , she thought. “I hoped for a better reunion for us.” She said without thinking about it. When she turned her eyes towards him, she saw Kaz doing something close to a shrug.

“Anika and I used to meet up in the Crow Club where we would be surrounded by the Dregs. We last met two weeks ago.” Inej didn’t feel disappointed this time. “You can go there and be casual. It’s their territory now, but you’ve been gone for a long time. They won’t doubt you.”

“And I guess I need to be sad for your death? Should I be as devastated as Jesper, or act cold-blooded like Wylan?” She didn’t want to sound bitter, but she did anyway. It had been just a day, but she felt tired of Kaz and him bossing around. _I am no shadow_ , she reminded herself to keep calm.

“It’s your choice.” Kaz said, more rasp in his voice than usual. Inej stood up. “Then I am going there.” she said, as cold as Kaz was. She looked directly at his eyes to see something. It didn’t have to be passion, or love. She just wanted to see something, a sign that Kaz was still alive and not just a ghost who dedicated himself to greed. There was nothing. She started walking.

She would go to the Crow Club first, not just to see Anika but also to check on others. Inej wanted to see if there was someone who really fought for freedom. Maybe, she could persuade these ones to join her freeing the slaves. Then, she would pick up her stuff from the Wraith and come back to the mansion.

Without saying anything more, she left the Van Eck residence and walked down to the Barrel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope this turns out as I plan it to be. I had the first two chapters before I decided posting it on here, so there you go. Hope you liked it!


	3. JESPER

Jesper couldn’t stand any longer to sit next to Inej after seeing Kaz lie to her without any hesitation, so he left the room to find Wylan and sit next to him, just to have some peace and to keep calm. When Jesper found him, Wylan held his hand, squeezing it tight to assure him that everything was going to get better. Jesper realized that he wanted to leave Ketterdam for good. He didn’t want to see any guns or Kaz’s face ever again.

When Inej was gone, he went back to the living room, he actually rushed because of his anger, and stood next to Kaz. His breaths were shallow and fast, his posture was tense and his left hand had formed a fist. “When are you going to tell her the truth Kaz? When are you going to tell her they are not _frauds_ as you said and actually freedom fighters?” he asked. Then, he sat down on a sofa, glaring at Kaz with absolute frustration in his eyes.

“This is between me and her. None of your business.” Kaz replied, sitting up on the couch. Jesper was holding himself back until that moment and he let his anger explode.

“Of course it is my business Kaz! She is my friend and I can’t let you break her heart so mercilessly!” Jesper stood up again, he just couldn't stop his body from moving or doing _anything_. He rubbed his forehead. “I thought you were better than this. We all thought… but obviously your revenge didn’t make you better. It turned you into a monster, a monster so similar to the one you took revenge from Kaz.” Jesper didn’t think about what he was saying. He sighed. Kaz didn’t even flinch.

“If you want to live like that, fine. You do what you want. But don’t expect me to help you in this, or anything in the future.” Jesper felt like he was talking to a wall. “Not that you care anyway, right? Because relationships are weaknesses, or emotions, or love…”

Jesper and Kaz were working together for a long while, so he knew Kaz. Although the boy tried to hide his annoyance, Jesper could see Kaz was holding himself back. Jesper wanted him to say something, to argue with him. Even acknowledge everything Jesper had said, which was probably impossible. Still, nothing came out of the boy’s mouth. He was as bastardly as ever and Jesper didn’t want to deal with him anymore. He rushed out of the room again, without looking at Kaz and everything that reminded him of Kaz. He didn’t stare at the cane, no. Jesper _certainly_ didn’t punched Kaz’s coat, imagining punching the boy himself. After a while, Wylan held his punch, making Jesper realize he was punching and kicking the coat and unintentionally the wall as well. “Stay calm Jesper.” Wylan murmured. He also seemed frustrated, but he was better at hiding it than Jesper. His face was reddened and his pupils were smaller than usual.

“We’ll talk with Inej about this. Then, she can decide what to do with him.” Now, Jesper held Wylan’s free hand. “It’s not just that merchling. I am tired of Kaz, all his plans and him using us as pawns. I don’t even know why I am standing with him or helping him anymore.” Wylan squeezed his hand again and Jesper squeezed back.

“You fight with him because deep inside, you know he is more than what he shows himself to be. Just like everybody else living in Ketterdam, just like you being more than a sharpshooter.” Wylan always knew what he had to say and when he had to say something in various situations, and he was also getting better at this every day. He would have meetings with merchants and he would persuade them to do almost annything. He was becoming more confident in himself every day, and Jesper fell in love with him more.

On the other hand, Jesper wanted Wylan to agree with him and just cast Kaz away from the mansion, but he was right. Kaz lied and cheated but deep inside, everybody knew he cared about Inej more than he cared about anything else. Jesper had seen it in his eyes, when he read Inej’s letters. He had even bragged about one of her successful operations once.

“Let’s go to bed.” Jesper said, sounding more exhausted than he was. “I really want to cuddle you and sleep this day off.” Wylan nodded. They strolled to the bedroom, Wylan humming a song and Jesper listening to him.

They laid on the bed, holding hands in silence. Jesper could almost feel the silence, crawling on the bed just like a snake, so he started talking.

“Maybe we should leave Ketterdam for good.” he offered, but he felt hesitant. Still, he also felt like he would live anywhere except Ketterdam, it didn’t matter where. He would even live in the Ice Court as a _drüskelle_.

Jesper shivered. It had been a very long time since they’d heard anything from Nina.

“I don’t know Jes. I would really like to leave here for a while, but leaving _for good_ …” Wylan shrugged. “I mean, the city is quite a bad place to live but I think I have… a connection let’s say with this city. It tried to bury me in the past, but I survived. That's how I feel like."

Wylan shrugged and turned his gaze towards Jesper. “Still, I am afraid Jes. I am scared that this movement against the riches of Ketterdam can also violate what’s between us.”

“Then, let’s go Wylan. Let’s find somewhere else and live there for a while. When the city settles down, we can come back.” He sounded more confident now. His disgust for Kaz's lies was roaring in his heart. It was even impossible for Jesper to think Kaz as a friend.

“Don’t rush this Jes. I think we have to think about this a little more.” Wylan was murmuring now, as if he was afraid that somebody would hear them. He hugged Jesper tightly and closed his eyes.

Jesper realized what really was happening after this cuddle.

“You want to stay here.” He said, confused. “You… like this?” Wylan didn’t respond. Jesper tore his body away from Wylan’s and stood up. Wylan sat on the bed, an indifferent expression on his face. “I don’t know Jes. I just don’t want to throw this away… I mean…” He gestured the room. 

Jesper turned his back to Wylan. He felt like he needed to have fresh air, but his feet didn’t move as he wanted them to do. “Wylan… I thought you just wanted some peace after what happened with your father…” He turned his face to Wylan again. Wylan cared about the mansion, the money he’d taken from his father. Even though Jesper liked gambling, he liked it because of the excitement and rush… He didn’t really care about the money, just as he didn’t care about the house. As long as him and Wylan were together…

“I thought it was enough as long as we were together.” He said, not realizing he was talking out loud. Wylan stood up and took a step towards him, but Jesper stepped back. He felt numb. “I need fresh air.” he said, before he bustled off the room.

 

He was overreacting. Jesper realized that as he walked in the streets of Ketterdam without having any destination. He overreacted to Wylan… but deep inside, he still felt broken. He didn’t want to be the jealous boyfriend, he couldn't be jealous of something that was not even alive. Still, Wylan hadn’t said anything after what Jesper had said. _This_ bothered him, not Wylan caring about the money and the mansion. He imagined that moment in the bedroom over and over again as he walked in the Barrel and listened to the songs coming from the casinos.

 _Of course I care about you more_ , Wylan said in one scenario. _Maybe it would be really good to have a break_ , was another response. Jesper sighed as he reached the Crow Club. It seemed like its soul was taken away from the place now that the Dregs were scattered all around because of the conflict between the Kaz supporters and the duo supporters.

Jesper entered the building, looking blankly at everyone around him. A few people greeted him and expressed how unfortunate it was for Kaz to die in the uprising. Without saying anything suspicious, Jesper played his role, it was easy to act as he was already feeling sorrowful. He searched for Inej, but apperantly, the Suli girl was already gone.

He didn’t want to go home, but he was extremely tired now. He thought of sleeping in the Slat, but it was now all burnt down, so he went home. Without saying anything, Jesper walked past the living room. When he reached to the bedroom, he saw Wylan sleeping, but his daily clothes were still on. Jesper sat on the bed, next to Wylan, and caressed the boy’s fair hair. Wylan opened his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jesper murmured, still caressing Wylan’s hair. “I am sorry too.” Wylan responded, whispering as well. They both smiled and Jesper laid next to him.

Then, there was just silence. Jesper slept, holding Wylan’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a shorter chapter, hope you liked it!


	4. ALEKSANDRA

“You know, Brekker helped Inej Ghafa to catch those slave traders around the sea.” Aleksandra said, frowning and staring at the man on the couch. He sat just next to the fireplace, maybe a little too close, because he was always cold no matter what time of the year it was. He also wore a huge wig all the time. At first, Al thought it was because of the constant coldness but now she knew he was balding. Still, he was cautious to show his head to no one. He probably didn’t think Al would know these stuff about him, and that was probably why he had decided to hire her in the first place. She was cautious, she had learnt to be a ghost from the Wraith herself.

 The man didn’t respond to her.

She started to stroll in the room, her mask in her hands. “Pity, you know. He was smart, exceptionally smart even, and he knew how to play the game of Barrel. You know, like chess.” She was talking gibberish but this was actually her tactic with the man. He hated it, and Al loved to make him annoyed. This way, she had even persuaded him to make bolder moves, including murdering certain merchants. In other words, she persuaded him to take risks. He hated taking risks, but Al knew that you had to risk yourself in Barrel if you wanted to do something, or be someone important. “We could’ve made a deal with him.” she continued on. Even though she hated all kinds of Barrel bosses, including Brekker, she knew that they would be extremely powerful if they had sided with him. They would have twice the men they had, and they would have someone who had authority among the merchants. The man probably knew that as well, but he was way to idealistic to do so. She sighed, working with him felt like her hands were tied behind her back and she only had her tongue that could do something.

Al started to play with the mask in her hands, the mask that was supposed to be made by herself. The man had given both of them a white, empty mask and ordered them to paint it however they liked. Al painted the mask's lips black first, she was feeling extremely edgy at that time. On the cheeks, there were drawings of the roses and blood dripped from them. The stems of the roses reached the forehead area and there were two huge leaves attached to them. Except for the lip, the paintings were made by the Zemeni girl, Erin. She was extremely skilled at drawing and Al respected her for that. Al wouldn’t be able to draw that beautifully anyway.

She was drifting away from the conversation. Al left the mask on a drawer and shook her head, focusing on the man again. She realized she hadn’t missed anything because the man was still as silent as a corpse.

She looked at the paintings once more, they reminded her why she did what she did. It was because she was sick of putting roses to the tombs of fallen friends at that point. The unnamed tombs, their signs made of wood. Those would be gone in at most three months, the bodies would rot. However, Al would never forget who had fallen because of the injustice in Barrel. She took a long, deep breath and started to walk back towards the man sitting on the couch. Her curly, blond hair was loose and it looked just like the fire in front of the man.

“We should’ve waited more and take the other big boys out before Brekker.” She resisted, talking with a slight Ravkan accent. Normally, she would easily hide her real accent while giving speeches in front of the crowd because she knew she had to blend in. She thought herself as an actress mimicing Kerch people in those moments and even though she wouldn’t confess this to anybody, she loved that idea. She was an artist anyway, at the beginning of everything. She and Garalt had come to Ketterdam just to continue their music, to sing for the world...

 _...No_ , she thought. It wasn’t a good time to think about him. It was never going to be a good time.

“Do you really believe Brekker is dead?” the man finally asked, his tone sarcastic and pitiful. Aleksandra shivered, hearing him always made her uncomfortable. His voice reminded her of snakes, maybe not visible but audible snakes. She felt like those little monsters were crawling into her ears, whispering every word he said again and again. She frowned.

“I saw the Slat burn. You know, his room was upstairs and he was heavily injured when I left him there.” She stopped for a dramatic pause. “With a gunshot wound at his belly and the bad leg, I don’t think he had a good shot at escaping.” she finished off after a while, her face wincing.

Al was the one to shoot Brekker, and it had felt good. _You are a monster_ , she had yelled at him, knowing how cliché this sentence was. Brekker had only smiled, twisted smile, but that had made Al smile too. He was probably used to hearing this all the time, so he had chosen not to respond her.

“Don’t underestimate him.” the man continued on, tapping his finger on the couch. Al sat down to the sofa next to his. There was something alluring in the fire, she found herself staring at it for a while. _Kaz Brekker can’t be alive_ , Al thought, but she hadn’t seen his body or anything that would prove he was dead. Maybe, she had to go and check his room after the fire, to ascertain that he was gone for good, but she hadn’t done it, and regret was a terribly useless feeling. “Then, we have to take him out from the rat hole he’s hiding in.” she said, still not looking at the man. She would argue with him, that this wasn’t an emergency and they should be using their power against the other powerful Barrel bosses. However, when she looked at him, Al saw he was determined about taking out Brekker for once and for all. He talked very little, normally he would talk more when he was ordering something to her, and his gaze was stern. Al stood up, and yawned before talking again.

“There are these two youngsters and they joined us before the Slat’s burning. I think it was a month ago, I am not sure. Anyways, I saw one of them, the girl, with Brekker when he broke into our old base.” Al stopped for a while. The girl had a mask so she wasn't really sure that was the same girl but this seemed worth trying. “And she was the lieutenant of Brekker I suppose. If he is alive, she is probably his spider.” Al stepped towards the mask again, and tied her hair as a bun before wearing it. “I can arrange something with her.” Al said with her mask on. Her voice was now muffled and her accent was gone. Her heart started to pound faster in her chest, and she smiled beneath the mask. It felt good to be this, a symbol, something not humane. Something without grief, without rage and thirst for vengeance. Something that was not her.

She left the room without talking any further. Her partner was waiting for her, just outside the room, sitting and drinking tea. It smelled good and Al suspected that there was some kind of a drug in the tea. “You ready?” Erin asked with a firm voice. Al nodded. Erin stood up and with a hairpin, she tied her hair in a bun as well. Then, they both wore their red capes, a color chosen by both of them, and crawled out of the small window in silence. As they proceeded to the roof, Al felt the pistol hanging from her belt more, it felt cold and assuring. Erin preferred using knives as if she was trying to deny her roots. She was really good though. She even had a knife drawn on her mask. She liked them that much.

“Our man thinks Brekker is alive.” Al whispered to Erin. The girl shrugged. “He probably is. It is hard to get rid of him.”

“Well, if he is alive, the girl from the Dregs is probably a spy then.” Al felt bored of this for a moment because she had to say it twice in the same day. _In the same hour_ , she reminded herself. Then she also thought this was being childish and she had to stop acting so.

“Anyways, we can use her to bring Brekker out.” she continued on. “Nah, he doesn’t really care about the ones that work for him. Even if we kill that girl, Brekker would probably sip his tea and find someone else to replace her.” Erin shrugged off Al's idea but she was not going to give up yet.

“But he changed since the Wraith is gone, you know.” Al defended her idea. “He started to lose less of his men. He continued to kill others, of course, but I think he tried to protect his gang in a way.” Now Al shrugged in a careless manner. “I don’t know, at least this was what it felt like. The Dregs were the richest gang in Ketterdam, so he could sacrifice anybody anytime. He could even kill them for his pleasure.”

Ketterdam was exceptionally silent that day, so they had to talk very silently. As they jumped from roof to roof in Barrel to their new base in the university district, it was another risk Al had wanted to take, they didn’t hear the vicious voices coming from the pleasure houses. They avoided the main streets, so Al didn’t know if it was just a coincidence or the result of their work, but she felt good about it.

“We will have to kill her anyway if she is a spy. We can try him as well.” Al felt like she was begging, and she actually begged from time to time. Erin had similar ideas and a similar method with the man in this. She always wanted to make carefully calculated moves, so she would sit in her room for hours and Al would be bored as hell as she waited. _The man probably regrets including me in this job_ , Al thought with a pleasure she didn't want to explain.

After that, they proceeded in silence and Al was pretty sure Erin was thinking about her offer. Al had to admit that this was an improvement. At first, Erin would just reject her ideas and would do the talking with the man while Al waited in the next room as if she was the child among them. However, when Al started to act the way she wanted to, they were forced to listen to her and even use her ideas. That probably had felt like torture to them for a while, but they were used to it by now. _At least this was what Al had hoped_. Even though they had emerged in the city just eight months ago, they had been in contact for at least a year. They had been planning when Kaz Brekker took control of the Dregs, when Pekka Rollins left the city and when the Wraith docked away from Ketterdam. Al had to be patient then. She was done with patient, she wanted something to happen. _She needed something to happen._

When they finally reached the base, she thanked whoever there was as a god or saint, it didn’t really matter to her. Erin silently got in through the window nearest to the roof and entered the building first. When Al got in, she heard the people’s voiced from downstairs, their laughter and jokes. Even if it was late in the night there were still people, hanging out there and playing card games. Supposedly, gambling was not allowed in that building but both Al and Erin knew that it would be forcing the people to much in a very short time, they wouldn’t be able to change so quickly, so they let them do whatever they wanted.

Both of them quickly went to the main room, Al was on the front. She felt that excitement she had always felt before talking to those people. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to the room in an instant and started the act. 

“Alright boys and girls!” Al shouted to have their attention. “We are suspecting that there is a mole among us!” she continued on when all the attention was focused on her. She started to walk between the tables and the people, gazing each of them.

“This will be handled quickly.” Erin said, not shouting as Al did and started to walk as well. Al’s eyes searched for the girl, but she was apparently not there today. She leaned down towards a man whom she knew was a Dreg. This mand had left Dregs when he had joined their cause, but Al still felt uncomfortable talking to him. “Was the girl Brekker’s lieutenant?”

Without hesitation, the man answered. “Yes, she was. But she hated him.” Al nodded to him, then turned her face towards the crowd again.

“I need you to bring her to me, alive!” she shouted. “Anika was her name, right?” she asked to the man again, her voice softer all of a sudden.

“Yeah… but she wouldn’t betray us. She really believes in our cause.” Al turned her gaze to him again. She felt like she had to kill the man, to show whose idea was more important. However, she wasn’t in a gang anymore, so she just squeezed his shoulder and talked with a firm voice. “We’ll see about that darling. Hope you are right about her.”


End file.
